string of lights
by finlay grey
Summary: even in the darkest of times, you have to make sure your string of lights is shining bright and strong. post cam's death. one-shot.


**disclaimer: i don't own degrassi. wish i did though. yes.**

**think of this as so far, so long part 2. sfsl is a post camaya drabble i wrote a few days ago. i apologize to the reviewers i made cry. **

**a/n – I don't know whether to rate this T or K+, but I'll rate this T. But it's just borderline. There's some cursing, mentions of sex, virginity, but only slight.**

* * *

It was obvious that Maya wasn't taking Cam's suicide well. Anyone with a pair of eyes could see that happening from a mile away.

How could she?

It was tough to not be with someone you used to _love, _but it was even more tough to lose them to a damn blade.

She was spiraling out of control, and she knew it.

"God, you're so annoying! You know what, just stay out of my business and you don't understand _anything!" _Maya screamed in fury as she slammed the door to her bedroom and swiftly locked the door behind her. Her mom had tried to get her to open up about Campbell and from what you could see, it didn't end very well. She slid down to the back of her door and she could feel hot tears brimming out of her eyes.

Before Cam, it took a lot to get Maya to cry. Now with just the mention of Cam or anything related to her first love was a close tear-trigger.

Maya was now a sophomore at Degrassi and it seemed like the whole entire world had moved on from Cam's death except for her. Everyone was just going on with their day as if nothing was wrong.

This was not how Maya thought sophomore year was going to go. Maya had already gotten drunk- four times actually, lost her virginity at the beginning of the school year, had a secret stash of Marlboro Lights hidden under her bed, unbekowest to her parents, and had experimented with crystal meth once.

Of all the stereotypes she heard about high school- girls that were caught doing drugs, sleeping around, and getting drunk off of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Maya never thought and that thought never crossed her mind that one day that would become her.

But for God knew how long, Maya _liked _that feeling. It made her feel superior and her self-esteem was at an ultimate high. She _loved _that feeling.

While Maya loved that feeling and that phase, not everyone agreed with her.

Tori, her best friend, had lost all remaining respect for Maya.

"_Wow, you're really messed up now, you know that? This is pathetic. This isn't the Maya Matlin I became friends with when I was a freshman. _You _are pathetic. Why are you even doing this? I'd rather have back the Maya Matlin who spent her Friday nights practicing her cello and knowing what her priorities were. This Maya's priorities are sleeping around and getting high and whatever. You know, a good friend would never have done what I did. I was willing to put aside the fight and rivalry and grudge over you and Zig to comfort you right after Cam died and this is what you do? You act like a total slut who has no self-respect for her?" Tori couldn't believe what she had said, but it was long-awaited. This wasn't any Maya Matlin she knew. _

_Maya stared back at her best friend,startled. The two of them were standing outside in the cold at a party in October and Tori had dragged Maya out onto the porch of the house they were at after she found Maya about to start stripping with a group of guys around her. _

"_Yeah, well, this is the new me, Tori. Like it or not. You think I actually care? No, I don't. This has _nothing _to do with Cam, alright!? He's gone. Stop pulling that excuse on me and what I do now. I like living this way, and last time I checked, you're the slut." Maya had walked past Tori angrily and back inside the house, leaving the curly haired brunette in anger and frustration. _

All she wanted was her old life to go back to the way it was. For Cam to be back here, for Tori and Tristan to be her friends again. Tristan had taken Tori's side after their argument that October night and they had spent the last few months shunning her.

What was even going on now?

The fact that she lost her virginity even before she got a driver's license made her wince. And the thing was, she only met the guy she gave her innocence to for fifteen minutes and he was a senior who was clearly not interested in her and her personality, but only her body. When it scarcely crossed her mind, she thought of her first time with someone she loved and cared for and that had the same feelings towards her. Nope, that so did not happen.

She reached up her desk and found her phone. Maya began dialing a number she knew she would never forget and held her iPhone up close to her ear to wait for it to happen.

"_Hey, it's Cam. Sorry I can't get to you at the moment, but leave a message and I'll be sure to call you back as soon as I can get to my phone. Bye." _There was a beep and a low buzz.

Maya paused, not knowing what to do for a few seconds. Her throat was tightening up. "Um… I know you're not t-there, b-but I just wanted t-to say t-that I r-really missed you." She swallowed before saying the rest. "And I l-love you."

She clicked the _End Call _button as soon as she could.

How did she even muster that out? After Cam's death, for some reason, his phone wasn't cancelled and Maya found herself calling his phone every few days just to hear his voice. But as time passed on, those calls became less frequent and this was the first time she had done that in about two months.

At least now with that, Maya would be a step closer to finding the closure she needed. But she loved him. She loved him, she loved him with everything she had. Always had, always will.

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**a/n – **

**Quick oneshot, drabble, whatever you want to call it. So, who watched Ray of Light (2) tonight! I've been waiting for Snake to talk about finding Claude Tanner's body ever since BSS and it finally happened. It's been two weeks and I still haven't gotten over Cam yet. Cam, ily bby. Okay. Please review this and tell me what you think? Can we get this to five reviews, even though this is a pointless drabble or oneshot? I'd love to hear your feedback. I listened to Camaya's song when I was writing this- Gold by Wake Owl- the song that was playing when they were kissing. I want to go in a corner and curl up and bawl my eyes out now.  
**

**- Juliet**


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